Here´s to Angelica

Because I love her. The best part of finals has probably been getting up close and personal with my friend and fortress, Geli. Angelica is a question asker of great propensity, a muscle of determination, and a legend of humor. Actually, I get the sense that most of her jokes, spoken in Spanish underbreath, are completely over my head. The jokes I get, I like.

I think about Angelica alot. It was mostly her sweetness and humble attitude that drew my attention to her, her impressive kindness and endless curiosity. She is generous with respect and listens selflessly. She sits at the front of class and I started the year here by her side, listening to whatever inventive information Rodrigo delivered.

But Angelica is not passive. I think that everything she has, she uses. She grabs information for fun and power and seems to challenge all ideas. And still, she does not seem to need to defeat others. Rather, she seems to live to see growth.

Angelica´s a natural leader. She doesn´t try to really, but just knows what´s going on and people can see that.

She´s adorable.
She´s got a sharp wit.
She´s inviting, welcoming.
She celebrates easily
She remembers things

I like the way she cringes at the mockery of mistakes, or at least her lack of interest in the subject. I like the way she gets excited to see lively music and the way she can make fun of everything without malice. Just reality. She doesn´t seem defensive, doesn´t seem self important, and doesn´t seem self depreciating either, maybe for lack of time or appetite. Not concerned with perfection for importance´ sake but rather for understanding. She just moves forward. Somehow, I imagine her as a younger and mas mexicana version of the Sue I know and love. She seems to possess the same balance and power, humor and humanity. More interested, I think, in doing, laughing and co-ing than pretty much anything else. When she talks about herself, she is comfortable but not absorbed in the subject.

She radiates, but I don´t think she cares.

Good luck to her in all of her undertakings! I´ll be glad to maintain a lifelong friendship if at all possible.

Life!

Life. Productivity. Success.

I just exist these days. After the earthquake, I can just be thankful. So when my plans fall through, when it feels like days pass without great accomplishment or success, I go back to the basics. I remember that I have shelter, food, and a heartbeat. I have a great network of heartbeats and caring beings, actually, so I am stronger than just one living body.

Today, I am trying to find housing. This is a challenge since I´m less than effective lately. In fact, half of the things I raise to my lips to eat fall back down. I lose things and have trouble focusing. But with time and patience, I will settle into a routine and normalcy.

Somehow, I was completely duped with my previous arrangement which I find discouraging. I momentarily lost focus for resenting the people involved for a time. As it turns out, I have better things to do than hang onto anger. The only thing to do is move forward. I hope that I pick up a home, patience, an attention span, and perspective in my attempt to do so. Where is my sense of humor? I´m waiting for it´s return.

Terremoto

My experience with earthquakes so far has been somewhat different for me. My moodswings may have something to do with my very shaken sleep, the absence of my boyfriend, unnerving aftershocks, a lack of jokes, and the devastation of this country. I want to punch the next aftershock that comes through. In truth, being active is the best way to air out my grouchiness, but I can´t just continue moving forever.

Eh, oops

I don´t completely agree with the things I said yesterday. I´m embarrassed even to have thought that things were so orderly and simple. Can I make up for it by saying that my heart is with the people of this country as they try to recover their lives?

Concepción is in dire need.

Bikin on Loverly Lady Luck

Outside of the center of town, I found that lines were tremendous in the groceries not too damaged and that the earthquake defeated buildings felt funereal in presence. I´m glad of course not to be waiting in hopelessly long lines to fill my gas tank as I empty the car of it´s fuel. There are many sad pods of homeless neighbors I´m glad not to be a part of and sad faces on the news that luckily are not mine, nor those of my loved ones. I have several places near by to restock on bread and toilet paper. I think I witnessed today the growing force of forgetting. There was dust and failed construction, sadness and sweet cream.

My heart, as it does exist, goes out to those hurt and endangered by this event, those nervously waiting to hear from loved ones, and those desperate for health attention and basic resources. I´m glad that the prisoners that escaped in the quake seem to have been recovered. I´m also achingly depressed in thinking of those trying to escape with their families via car as the tsunami swept away their traffic jammed efforts. I´m even sad about thinking that my life just isn´t that different now that they´re gone. Sadness could be consuming in Santiago at present, in Chile at large, or for anyone aware of the lives of others. And I´m still glad for a little sensitive in my coffee. I guess I´m just glad to feel alive and glad. I remember that life is a rich gift.

So is my bike.

Recently, Claudio took me to a place where Lady Luck was affordable and available. I took her home the day before the quake and I am so happy to be with her now. To break from yesterday´s fearful home lockdown, today I took the opportunity to ride the streets with my wonderful new bike around Santiago along with my camera to see how things are holding up. I started with some of the destruction sites from news shots that have been cycling through the news. Of course, destruction is a more interesting subject than normalcy and it happened to be what had brought me out doors, but I found my focus changing slightly once in motion. Life was almost normal.

So that´s the subject of many of my pictures. Life is just happening like always, people moving on. We were in the grips of a weird and shaky perspective, and then the danger lessened. Tension relaxed. People still enjoy a good ice cream cone and stroll. I found people moving like unmotivated half zombies and a few people gathering to photograph building crumbs, but most of what I saw just wasn´t what CNN had showing and it didn´t sound like it´s deathly sountracks either. Aint no body gonna hold Santiago citizenry back from walking through Plaza de Armas or eating sweets with friends. I appreciated a little normalcy and tried to capture both ordinary and less ordinary wreckage of my town before hygienic forces put it back together again.

My bike, as it turns out, is more present in my mind then all of the death and destruction in my residence. That which I see, feel, and use are the only things my mind can consider real and concern itself with. Even though my mind is undisciplined and wandering, imaginative and fanciful, it apparently rooted to simple restrictions of tangibility, and these days, glideability.

Living Life Like....

Santiago is almost without music. I realized today that tunes are missing in this town suddenly when the sound of a lively radio licked me from inside a decrepit building. I wasn´t expecting it. Street musicians and singing on buses for change, the lively beats from roommate's machines and the house radio are normalcy and central to my system. That radio was the second sound that shook and unrattled my somber nerves today.

The first sound that brought light to life today was my roommate's excited cheering. Whatever he was saying in loud Italian was a happy awakening in a serious condition, a beat in today's march. Personally indifferent to most sports events, I was ready to cheer along side Seba while Napoli won 2 to 1 in their futbol game this morning. Having forgotten the sound of excitement and recreational cheer, Seba was momentarily my duel savior and best friend.

Thirdly was the sound of life in the midnight street of Ñuñoa. Popping laughter was newly refreshing to hear in the night´s dark; it announcing with joy that everything on the neighborhood street again seemed simple, tranquilo. The kids were doing what kids do without danger´s looming presence, picking on each other, giggling, and moving around. I felt like going outside and exchanging sounds and life with the neighbors, having nothing interesting in content to share, just wanting to enjoy in good company the show of lights.